Yeah, as the title says, I need to take study break. And I do not proofread blog.
I have been working on my capstone since this morning, and I am getting burn out.
But I still need to work on a bit. It is almost there.
BUUUUTTTT I need mental break.
Anyways, we had another severe cold whether in Marquette. Last two days temperature was around -20 C, and it felt like around -30 C.
Yeah, I don't like cold whether.
I really want to move to South. Ideally, Carolina, Texas, Florida, or California.
It will be much warmer. But oh well..............what can I do now? It is weather.
At least it is sunny today.
Well, as I said on Facebook and Tumblr, now I want to become a personal trainer as well as work at university to support international students.
It is something new career interests. But I am sure that I would like it. I know it will be different working out at the gym from training others how to work out.
But I think I like to help others. I enjoy it. So I think I will like working as a personal trainer.
Although, I need to first get Master's degree and get a job at university...
Yeah job hunting.
I cried this morning while I was checking about one opening position.
Based on a job description, I would perfectly fit. It does not require me work as DSO.
But, they require candidate to be U.S. citizen or permanent residency holder.
I was literally disappointed, angry, felt hopeless, and yes I cried a bit.
I thought is there any ways for foreigners to work legally in the U.S. without getting married with U.S. citizen.
It is just so hart breaking when I know that I would be perfect candidate, but cannot apply for position because of my immigration status.
I am not gonna lie, for a few seconds, I was jealous of international students in STEM because U.S. government wants them stay in the U.S. Or I was jealous to female international students because they have better chance to get married with U.S. citizen and get permanent residency. I know this is not true, but that was my honest feeling at that moment.
I am not gonna lie, I am getting freaking out. I really don't want to go home. I cannot imagine myself being and working in Japan. Not even in Osaka or Tokyo. I just cannot.
But if I don't find a job in the U.S., I have no choice. This is really scary. This is really stressful.
This is really getting out of my control, even though I am usually good at controlling my stress level and being positive and optimistic.
But this morning was different.
I could not say "oh well. Things happen for reason."
I know I will learn something from being forced leave the States and forced to go home.
I know sometimes people will learn and grow from not being able to achieve their dreams and goals, even though they take serious efforts to achieve them.
But it is scary. Life is indeed scary. But you have got to keep living, trying to achieve your goals and dreams. You have got to believe in yourself. But it is sometimes hard.
It is sometimes okay to take easy and express your feelings to others.
Being Asian male, writing this blog is hard. I still don't know how to show my emotion. I bet I don't tell these things in person to others.
It is not because just I don't want to show my weakness.
It is because I believe who really cares about others' emotions and feelings. This is my issues, not yours.
I know it is such old thought.
But this is who I am still.
Showing my emotion is the most hard thing in my life now because these are still more feelings that I even don't express them here.
Life is tough. Being positive is tough. But I don't wanna do any stupid things again.
Yup, I am little by little growing but I am still immature.
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